Thursday, September 22, 2016

This is why Al Gore invented the Internet

I've been wanting to burn it all down lately, which would include starting a new blog, but I have not. The last thing preventing me from starting a new blog is......wait for it...

...I can't think of a name for it.

*looks up at the title of this blog*

*looks around awkwardly*

So anyway, here is a video my four loyal readers should watch from a blog post you might want to read.

Friday, August 19, 2016

If I wanted to do something I could be proud of, I'd put on gloves and pick up the trash that's in my side yard every time my across-the-street neighbors throw a rager.

But I don't.

I kick the trash into the street because it's all I can do this morning to get up and brush my teeth and pretend to be a human being.

When I'm done kicking bags of orange snack food and blunt wrappers and Burger King sacks into the street, I see the blinds in the guestroom are parted slightly and my silver tabby's face is peeking out. Queen of the 'hood.

Tell me somewhere there is a chola writing in her mandatory English journal that sometimes she goes to parties at her cuz's house in this part of town that's getting white and when it gets to be boring grownup stuff they sit on this lawn across the street, wobbly on alcohol they stole when their folks were pretending not to see, smoking and eating Whoppers, and there's this pretty cat that watches them from the window.

Tell me this is how it goes.

Next week I promise to get gloves and a bag and do this right.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Waka waka

Me: Look out, Pac Man! There's a ghost coming right for you!
Rick: *gives me a funny look; eats Pac Man*
Me: Well, I think I'm hilarious.
Rick: Yes you do.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

That'll do

Current status: avoiding social media, reading Vonnegut in bed under a cat. Satisfying.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Jersey face with the Oakland booty

I can't believe I'm about to spend time talking about celebrity Twitter shit, but here we go. I hope I don't die today because then the last thing I wrote was about Blake Lively.

I honestly don't even know who Blake Lively is but I guess she's in trouble on the Internet for the crime of quoting Sir Mix A Lot while white, or "cultural appropriation" as the kids are calling it these days.

I don't want to waste a lot of time on this so let's do bullet points

  • Quoting a decades-old, Grammy-winning, top ten hit is cultural appropriation? Of what, her grandfather's CD collection?
  • Is hop hop supposed to be just for black people again? Didn't we get past that in the 80s? I'm pretty sure hip hop is a music genre, not a race. Or if we're talking appropriation, sure, hip hop is a culture, but that doesn't mean you have to be deep in it to salute it. If quoting hip hop lyrics is some sort of culturally insensitive act of colonization then call me Christopher Columbus. 
  • You know what I find more problematic, and a bigger sign a broken culture, than a white person quoting "LA face with the Oakland booty" on Twitter? Women posting pictures of their asses on Twitter. 
  • Obviously we all have too much goddamn free time. Let's get back to worrying about something important, like what genitals the stranger in the bathroom stall next to us had at birth. (JUST KIDDING HOLY SHIT THAT WAS SARCASM THIS BATHROOM SMOKESCREEN IS TRANSPHOBIC, SEXIST, AND ABSURD). There, now if my bus drives off the Richmond Bridge today the last thing I wrote is no longer celebrity Twitter shit. Have a nice day.