Thursday, September 28, 2017

Tolerable living through chemistry

Ah, middle age. When you don't know how your body will betray you each day so you commute with -- hang on -- five types of pills. Yet you somehow still need birth control. Make that six.

Friday, June 16, 2017

"I'm the same as I was when I was six years old/And oh my God I feel so damn old"

I caught a glimpse of myself in the window of the train this week. This is unusual because my commute (while lengthy as fuck) is awesome and I rarely have to stand. Anyway, I was wearing a t-shirt, hoodie, ripped jeans, steel-toed shitkickers, and a beanie. And I realize I still dress like I snuck out of the house to see a Pearl Jam show in 1992.

I don't know why I get misgendered so often. I don't dress like a man, I dress like a child!

Tuesday, June 06, 2017

I'm going to drink a soda through a straw just on general principle

Contrarian opinions ahead: So Berkeley wants to ban straws. Thanks, mom. Did you know the California retail food code requires employees in food preparation areas to only drink water through a container with a lid and straw? Do you think there'll be an exemption for that? Eh, who cares about people making your food, they probably don't live in your neighborhood or look like you or listen to your type of music.

And yeah, I also think the Berkeley soda tax was some paternalistic nanny-state bullshit that wouldn't exist if smug, affluent white people didn't think they deserved to tell poor people how to live their lives better. Hey, did you know some poor parents will buy a Big Gulp not so one person and choke it down at once and get instant diabetes, but because it's cheaper than buying an individual soda for everyone in the family? Do you know any poor people?

I'm so left-wing a Dane once called me a pinko (jokingly? maybe?) but stuff like this is an example of why "Berkeley" is a synonym for "all the dumb things about liberalism" for many people. It's the municipal equivalent of a HOA telling you what color you're allowed to paint your house.

Or, picture the "everything's fine" dog sitting in the flames saying "at least we got rid of straws and Big Gulps." Hey Berkeley, why don't you help some homeless people or trafficked teen girls or hungry kids...lord knows there are enough of them within your borders.

Sunday, May 07, 2017

Louis CK understands the teaching profession

New people are teaching every day knowing how shitty it’s going to be. They show up and they tell them ahead of time. 
‘Hi, what’s this job?’ 
And they say, ‘Okay, here’s what we need you to do… we need you to make children know math.’ 
‘Wow, do they wanna know math?’ 
‘No, they don’t want to know it. You need to make them want to know it against their will, while they’re exploding sexually and beating the shit out of each other.’ 
‘Who are these children?’ 
‘Just whatever kids live near the building.’
'So how much do I get paid?’ 
‘About 10 dollars every four years.’ 
‘What if I get really good at it? What happens?’ 
‘Nothing. Nothing happens. Nobody notices and you get fired and you die alone.’ 
‘Okay I’ll try it for 25 years.'

-- Louis CK, 2017